FOCUSED

                                                on bringing clarity to the therapeutic experience the C.E.M.E. Model © is a conceptual tool aimed at securing the intimate attachment in adult relationships.  It accomplishes this by establishing clear communication patterns around the friendship partnership and romance of an intimate relationship.  Establishes and reinforces engaged empathic alignments between partners, attends to the practice and persistence of mindfulness, and commits to the effective effort and followthrough needed to build and maintain trust.  The C.E.M.E.Model © regards each of these factors not as equal parts but as fluid interdependent pieces of a whole. Some parts may need more attention than other at various points but all need to be present and attended to in meaningful ways. Treating relationship based issues in this way allows for more effective deconstruction, problem solving, understanding, resolution, and progression.  By determining if the issue(s) are related to a breakdown in communication, a lack of empathic connectivity and understanding, mindlessness (thoughtless / emotional reactivity), or sabotaging behaviors and resistance (effort) we can use targeted interventions to interrupt dysfunctional patterns and beliefs giving the couple what they need to reinforce effective and lasting change and secure levels of intimacy where everyone is getting most of what they need, more often than not, with not strings attached or prices to pay.   

Communication:
 
  1. Feedback loops (Verbal and Non-Verbal) 
  2. Styles of Communication (Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Aggressive, & Assertive )
  3. Sender & Receiver skills
Empathy: 

 

  1.  Attachment styles                                              (Secure, Anxious,  Avoidant, & Disorganized)

  2.  Underlying Assumptions and Judgments 

  3.  Core Belief’s (Self - Partner - Relationship)

  4.  Suffering (Individual & Collective)

  5.  Realistic and Resonable Expectations

Mindfulness:

 

  1.  Observable Awareness (External & Internal)

  2.  Riding out strong and intense emotions 

  3.  Deconstruction  

  4.  Personal Accountability  

  5.  Openness to new information

Effort:

 

  1.  Desire

  2.  Follow through 

  3.  Pro-Active Persistence

Intimate Conflict... 

much like the ocean, is deep and powerful. Intense and choppy, shallow, and at times dangerous with lots of surfacing issues to manage.  Some

you can see coming and some you can not. However, if navigated properly with active participation, curiosity, respect and humility these waters can also be calm and bountiful. Effectively managing the negative feelings, beliefs, and intensity associated with intimate conflict is the foundation for connectedness and safety with your intimate partner.  Supporting what I believe to be a secure attachment between people. This is the purpose I see within intimate conflict.  Thus, if perceived and used correctly intimate conflict serves us like a compass, helping couples chart a course through the unexpected and perpetual issues they experience with clarity, meaning, and purpose. It does this by providing the information necessary to explore, understand, and correctly identify the actual problem independent of blame and shame.  It reinforce the empathic alliance between partners and is key in crafting effective plans for resolution and followthrough. This is how intimate conflict can help us all to be stronger advocates for ourselves and effectively support the people we love in all the ways that matter and can make a difference.

Here you see the C.E.M.E. Relationship Model © represented as a triangle, constructed by 4 individual 

triangles, encapsulated by a green circle.  Communication (Blue) and Empathy (Yellow) make up the foundation of the triangle.  Mindfulness (White) inverted provides balance & creates a solid platform

for effort (Red). The Circle (green) reminds us which areas of the relationship to routinely focus on (Friendship, Partnership, & Romance).

Structural REBUS